KNOW YOUR FOURS – A message from my wife, Debbie

Several years ago I developed a small Passover handbook, or journal, for the people in our local group. Joe and I wanted to help encourage local families in increasing their home observance and felt that the booklet would be a starting point. In the booklet we listed times and schedules for the removal of chametz, kashering pots, seder times, etc., with the intention of inviting families to schedule time with us to prepare for this awesome festival. We had visions of people scheduling times to bring by their cookware to kasher and visiting on the elements of the seder. We realized that our group, like many others, is made of diverse opinion and discipline regarding preparation. Our group alone was comprised of the following:

1. Those who try hard, realizing that there is room for improvement. (That would include our family!)
2. Those who want to appear as if they are diligent, but are afraid or embarrassed to ask for instruction.
3. Those who really don’t care and are comfortable with any lapse in observance.
4. Those who don’t even know where to start (or what to ask).

Naturally, we are reminded of the four sons during the Seder meal. The number ‘four’ comes up many times during the Seder, and we should all be familiar with this remarkable number. There are, as mentioned earlier, four sons, there are four questions, there are four cups of wine; and that is just within the Seder itself. Other references to the number four include the four types of students, the four corners (of fields and garments), and the four ends of the earth. Four represents an amazing aspect regarding the diaspora, those who dwell outside the land of Israel. This makes the number even more important for those who live wherever the four winds have driven us.

The fourth letter of the Hebrew alefbet is dalet and is often seen symbolically as an open door. Isn’t it interesting that most non-Jews are drawn to this walk of faith from experiencing a Passover Seder, or at least by learning of the Exodus from Egypt. The festival enables many of us to share an enthusiasm and factions that would distract us from joyful observance.

During the Seder we recount the miracles, we recline when we eat, we recite Psalms, and we give thanks. To be quite frank, there have been some Seders I have attended when the only joyful aspect came at the end with the phrase, “Next year in Jerusalem.”  Was I too tired from exhaustive cleaning and food preparation, or was I bored from a dry lengthy lecture before eating, or was it just not meaningful enough? In restrospect, it could be any or all three of the circumstances. What I began to realize is that the entire festival, including the Seder meal and the time before and after, should be joyful and a time for learning about Hashem, His scripture, and me. If I lose that joy, then I have lost a very important method of education. And let’s face it, if I lose joy then it has a tendency to cause others to lose it as well. I don’t know why it spreads as easily as it does, but it is what it is.

In times like these I like to remind myself that sometimes it is not what we do or don’t do, or how much or how little – it’s the heart and the walk. Have the things we’ve learned been internalized and become a part of us, because that is the best education of all. We learn because we do. We embrace because we love. We observe because we desire to know more and by doing to love Hashem more so that we may become closer to the Almighty. If we fail in our joy, then perform out of rote or out of frenzied action. We lose ourselves and our energy while the big picture becomes overwhelming and blurred.

Keeping this in mind, I hope you will view some of the things I have written with a sense of humor.  None of us have reached perfection, and I am chief of those to be reminded. Let’s keep it light, people. Just a joke or jab here or there may go a long way in salvaging your joy.

Now my written lecture is almost complete, but I would leave you on returning to my original premise: there is power in the number four. We are told scripturally to hear and do, or witness and observe, etc. I would like to add two more things this year to this list – to love and enjoy. Okay, I’m not really adding, just restating differently. This year I want to take the following affirmation to apply to all my Passover tasks, observances, preparations, etc.:

1.  Hear or witness, learn what I need to educate myself and my family on this marvelous festival.
2. Do or observe in the best way possible for our family and our community, so that I can
3. Love Hashem, my family and friends, and myself so that I may
4. Enjoy to the point of bringing joy and inspiration to others during this festival.

Debbie Good

A note from Joe

This is the opening pages to Debbie’s 2014 Passover Guide, complete with directions for holding your own Seder and keeping the week of Passover. The Guide is full of suggestions, recipes, and most important, a suggested time schedule. The full version is available for our Bronze Members and up.